Nix Nada in.......Nix pics!

The scene : an underground bunker, somewhere in the tropical jungles of the Amazon. Doktor Destucto and his evil assistant Memphis Slim, a failed and very bitter blues guitarist, are deep in conversation.

DD (wheezily) Ha ha ha ha! My evil masterplan is almost complete!

MS (Peter Lorre) Yeessss, yeeesssss, hihihihihihihihihi!

DD With complete control over the photographic industry, I can manipulate people's pictures to look how I want them to! The fashion industry will crumble! Marketing methods will fail as their attractive graphics become meaningless splodges of grey!

MS Hihhihihiiiiihhiiiiiiihahhhahaaa!

DD The entire world will be plunged into recession, INDUSTRIAL COLLAPSE! CHAOS!

MS Yessssss, yesss!

DD And I, Doktor Destructo, the most unphotogenic man in history, will HAVE MY REVENGE UPON THEM!


DD I have cowered long enough, waiting outside bus depots for my passport photgraphs, only to discover the hideous surprise in store when I receive them! VENGEANCE IS MINE!

MS Yesss....yessss.......BUT WAIT!

DD WHAT IS IT, you bumbling fool!

MS What about Nix Nada!

DD Nix Nada......hmmmm......even Nix Nada cannot stop me!

And so the evil Doktor Destructo puts his cunning plan into effect. Soon, the advertising industry begins to see its results.....

BAE (Boring advertising executive) Let's see the new samples on the Jones account.....OH MY GOD! They're completely BLANK!

ABAE (another boring advertising get the idea) JEZ, YOU'RE right! What are we gonna do!

The Boss comes in.

Boss Ah! I see you have discovered our problem!


Boss Don't panic guys! This has hit the entire world! And I know what the problem is!


Boss NIX NADA! Don't you see....Nada has changed all the pictures to blanks to make us reevaluate our profiteering and inhuman motives!


Boss That's right! And we're starting up a company charity scheme right now to make up for all our past manipulation of the faceless masses. Mankind deserves better, and it took NIX NADA to point it out!

Back in the jungle:

DD CURSES! FOILED AGAIN! CURSE YOU NIX NADA! If I could get my hands on you.........

More Nix Nada antics next issue folks, when Nix goes blank again!

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